


Be Gay Do Crime

by TeamGwenee



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe-Criminals, F/F, First Meetings, Found Family, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-14 19:55:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29547579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeamGwenee/pseuds/TeamGwenee
Summary: Jack thinks they are anti-heroes. Others would call them villains. Suzie doesn't care either way. But they all have their origin stories.
Relationships: Gwen Cooper/Suzie Costello, Jack Harkness/Ianto Jones
Comments: 2
Kudos: 17





	Be Gay Do Crime

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by discussion in tumblr

Suzie looked over the copper. First time she saw her, she thought she was a pretty thing, all severe and serious in her uniform and ponytail.

She looked even prettier now, dressed in her civilian clothes with her curtain of dark hair hanging over her slack face, freckles stark against her pale skin, and her arms and legs bound nice and snug.

She looked particularly pretty tied up.

“Good work Ianto, as always,” Jack declared, earning a muttered ‘teacher’s pet’ from Owen. 

“Are you sure those knots are tight enough?” Toshiko asked, peering down at their guest through her spectacles.

Jack shot her a dazzling smile. “You can be rest assured my beautiful Toshiko, Ianto is a wizard with rope. I can personally confirm our lovely guest will not be wriggling herself free any time soon.”

“It is the boy scout in me,” Ianto said with a smirk. 

Owen gagged as he stooped down to tug open PC Cooper’s eyelids. 

“She’ll be out for a while,” he confirmed. 

Suzie rolled her eyes. She could have told them that. Cardiff’s Queen of Assassins she was, she would have thought her team would trust her enough to deliver a wallop around the head. 

“Well, that will give us time to figure out what we want to do with her,” Jack said decisively. 

The team all turned cool, speculative eyes towards Ms Cooper, all but Suzie. She watched her team’s faces, reading the thoughts flashing behind their eyes. Jack was thoughtful, watching the young woman with a curious almost tenderness. Suzie’s lips twitched. Jack was always a sucker for a pretty face. The man loved all things of beauty. And for the copper to get this close to them showed brains and backbone. Beauty, brains and a backbone. The Jack Harkness triple whammy. 

Owen knelt beside her, oddly protective. For all his snide and snark, he was a doctor at heart. The least nice of the team, even less so than Suzie. But probably the kindest. Jack and Ianto and Tosh, behind their polite smiles and gentle words, harboured a ruthlessness that Owen simply lacked. He could turn an eye from most of Suzie’s targets, but this slightly overzealous copper would be crossing the ‘do no harm’ line a smidge too far. 

Toshiko and Ianto were as inscrutable as always, Ianto’s face fixed in that ever present smirk and Tosh’s head tilted ponderously to the side. 

“So, any thoughts?” Jack asked, beaming at his team with white, straight teeth.

“We can’t let her go,” Tosh said with a soft sigh. “If we let her walk, she will only make more trouble for us.”

“No shit, Sherlock,” Owen sneered. “Wise words from the resident genius.”

“We could keep her?” Suzie suggested, drawing startled looks. Suzie was always the first to suggest the easiest choice, when the others would strive to seek to find a third option. She shrugged and crossed her arms across her chest. “I always wanted a pet.” She shot Jack a tight smile. “Call it a belated birthday present.” 

“Before we make any big decisions, let’s get her sat up right,” Jack ordered, crouching down to wrap an arm around Ms Cooper’s shoulders. “Ianto, please fetch a seat for our guest.” 

~  
  
  


Suzie winced. For such a small woman, Ms Cooper could make a big noise. And high. A shrill, piercing shriek that would have made a harpy flinch. Jack made a few polite requests for her to quieten down, before giving Ianto the nod.

Ever prepared, Ianto produced a handkerchief with a flourish.

“Apologies, Ms Cooper,” he said politely as he gagged the panicking PC, muffling her cries, before returning to passing around coffee.

“Much better,” Jack said approvingly, fixing Ms Cooper with an approving smile. “Now we can talk. Or, more accurately, I can talk, you can listen. Be a good girl and sit quiet, and perhaps we will ungag you. It will be a shame if you don’t get a slice of this delicious pizza you so kindly brought us. Although I must say, you wear those restraints very well.”

Ms Cooper was not charmed. She set their Captain with a vicious glare, which did not quite smother the fear in the whites of her eyes. Her mouth might have been gagged, but those wide, expressive eyes spoke volumes. Her pupils were dilated, the green almost swallowed entirely by the black. Suzie could practically hear the vein thumping furiously beneath the copper’s delectable white freckled neck. 

“Don’t look at me that way, PC Cooper,” Jack said with mock hurt, eyes glinting with mirth as he pouted. “I only want us to be friends. Here, let me introduce you to the team.”

He gestured grandly to Suzie, sweeping his hand across the table towards where she sat. “My indomitable Second in Command. Locksmith, safe cracker, mistress of disguise and, strictly when only absolutely necessary of course, friendly assassin.”

 _“Friendly?”_ Owen repeated incredulously under a sudden bout of coughing. 

Ms Cooper’s wide eyes rested upon Suzie’s face, the little blood left in her face draining away. Suzie tried to give her a reassuring smile, but it seemed to do little good. Probably thought she was just baring her teeth at her. Oh well, Suzie had never been one for reassuring smiles. That had always been Jack’s MO. The friendly pat on the shoulder and the blinding white grin. The ‘all things nice’ to Suzie’s ‘puppy dog tails.’ 

That was just how they worked. Ever since they first joined forces.

#

“I’m putting a team together.”

Suzie scoffed, leaning back in her seat. “You’re _putting a team together_?” she repeated scornfully. “Got any train heists lined up?”

“Nothing on the horizon, but you never know.” Suzie’s sneer did nothing to wipe the beam off the American’s face. If anything, it only grew wider. He clasped his hands, resting his forearms on the table. Friendly, confiding, every muscle screaming ‘trust me’.

Suzie leaned back even further, wrapping her arms over her chest. She knew better than to be lured in by a pretty face and a gentle word. How many times had she trusted a kind smile, believed those sweet promises. _Trust us. Tell us all. Whatever the hurt is, we can make it better._ Once, Suzie had listened to those words and believed. Only to be betrayed, to be failed. Every time. 

The smile slid off Harkness’s face when he saw his ‘nice guy’ act had no effect on Suzie. He turned pensive, his face stern, finally matching the grim determination in his eyes. For finally respecting her intelligence, Suzie decided to give him a chance. After all, he got her away. Those people; Torchwood they called themselves, might have interfered before Suzie could finish the deal, putting a bullet through her new friend’s head before the creature that had fallen from the sky could follow through on its promise, but this man had managed to swoop in before Torchwood got their hands on her. Now she just had to find another way of dealing with her father, the old bastard.

“What sort of team?” she asked sceptically. She owed him that much.

“Those people, Torchwood. I worked freelance for them, for a while. I saw what they got up to, how they treated the things that came from the sky. Through what we call ‘the Rift’. Cruel or kind, come in war or come in peace, frightened or fearsome, each one they disposed of. Popped a bullet through its head and dumped it on their dissection table, if the poor creature is lucky. Anything that was different.” Harkness’s eyes narrowed. “I think it is about time someone started to keep them in check, don’t you?”

“So, you’re a counter movement?” Suzie summarised, raising an eyebrow. “Fighting for alien rights?”

Harkness shrugged. “Something like that. Problem is, as nice as that sounds, Torchwood has no trouble fighting dirty. So, if I am to make any moves against them, then I need a team who are capable of fighting dirty too.”

Suzie took in his words, mulling them over in her head. Despite herself, a smile began to tug at her lips.

“I can do that,” she said, reaching across the table to shake Harkness’s hand. “I can definitely fight dirty.”

#

They were a dream team, as Jack liked to say. Suzie learned quickly, loving the sense of control her newfound skills brought her. Gun, knife, rope. All rested easily in her hand. Luckily so, for she could never pick up Jack’s tricks. He despaired of teaching her ‘the con man’s art’. It was left to Jack to pull off those little schemes that kept their purses full. Although sometimes Jack would give her a name and a fat wad of cash would end up in their pockets. Jack picked these commissions carefully, making certain that they would sleep easy after each job.

(More for his sake than Suzie’s. It was never Suzie’s work that kept her up. If anything, she found the nights after doing a hit passed quite pleasantly. It was always easier to sleep after a hard day’s work.)

Some of it was meant for maintenance, some for equipment, some for bribery. And of course, Jack always had something put aside for whatever hard luck case with one two many eyes or scaly skin that came begging. Whatever they needed to set themselves up on this strange planet that was not their home, somewhere far from where Torchwood would come looking. 

Jack always was such a do gooder.

Yes, they were muddling along nicely. But that didn’t mean they didn’t take an opportunity when they had one.

Toshiko Sato sat on the thin mattress, curled in on herself like a tortoise shrinking into her shell. Her dark hair was tied in a bedraggled ponytail, her straight fringe falling over her bruised eyes.

“What did they get you for?” Suzie asked casually, making small talk with her new roommate.

“Hacking,” Toshiko Sato said dully. “I got into the Ministry of Defence’s servers. Past their protections and their defenses-”

“Well that’s not promising, from our Ministry of Defence,” Suzie said dryly. Suzie rather wanted to chide the lovely young woman, tell her that she shouldn’t have confessed so quickly to a crime to someone who could easily have been a stooge. It was not as though Suzie could put on an air of trustworthiness, like Jack. Suzie would happily stab a friend in the back and she wore that fact like armour. Toshiko Sato had no excuse, a genius should be a lot smarter than that. 

They would have to teach her a thing or two about lying.

“Hacking into the Ministry of Defence,” Suzie repeated. “Not a wise thing to do, not in this political climate.”

“I had to. My mother-”

“Is of no interest to anyone but yourself,” Suzie said coldly. “You think anyone cares about your sob story? You’re going to be stuck in here a long time, a long, long time. If you are out for your eightieth birthday, it will be a miracle. Luckily for you, I think you can pull off the jumpsuit look. I hope you like grey, because you’re going to be seeing a lot of it in the years to come.” She paused. “Unless…” she trailed off tantalisingly. 

“Unless what?” Toshiko asked, caution mingling with eagerness.

“Well, I don’t much fancy being stuck behind these walls any more than you do,” Suzie said calmly. “As it happens, I have a friend outside who is working to make sure I’m not. We might be able to get you out too, if you can make it worth our time.” 

“What will you need me to do?” Toshiko asked guardedly. 

“Nothing you need to feel any shame in,” Suzie was quick to assure her, as though Suzie could speak of shame. “If anything, you might take pride in the work we put your way. So. What do you say?”

Toshiko groaned and slumped against the grey stone wall. 

“What choice do I have?” she said at last.

Suzie turned to hide her smile, tapping the ear piece discreetly tucked away beneath her hair. 

“Bingo,” she whispered. “Alright Harkness, I got in, got the girl. Now do your job and get us out.” 

#

Owen came thundering into their lives. Eyes bloodshot, stinging and burning with a furious grief. 

“They took her!” he spat. “They bloody took her. She was fine. Getting better by the day. The one day I get to the hospital, and she’s gone. No trace of her anywhere. Literally. I couldn’t find Katie on the computers, on the hospital files. Her entire history was erased.” He sat trembling in the seat opposite Jack’s desk, his shoulder heaving. “No one would give me an answer, wouldn’t say a thing where she went. Some looked at me like I was mad, like they had never heard of her. Until a porter, funny looking bloke, pointed me your way.”

“I see,” Jack said calmly. “What did this porter tell you? About us, and the people who took Katie?”

Owen sighed and slumped down into his seat. “That he knew the people he took her, and he knew that if ‘Torchwood’ had her, it was already too late. But if anyone could give me answers, it would be you. You could give me answers and...and something else.”

“Something else?” Suzie repeated with interest.

Owen met her square in the eye.

“Justice,” he said firmly.

“Justice?” Suzie repeated. “That won’t be easy.”

“I will pay you,” Owen said. “Whatever you want, whatever you ask. I will find the money, somehow.”

“Oh, I think we can leave your money be,” Jack said quickly. “We have our own ways of finding ready cash. No Dr Harper, you have something far more valuable to us.”

“What?” Owen demanded.

“Your skills,” Jack said simply. “It is dangerous work we do. Dangerous, bloody work. And I like to keep my team taken care of. So Doctor Harper, we will give you answers for Katie’s disappearance. We will bring you justice for her loss. And in turn, you come to work for us.”

Owen thought the offer over for half a second, before shrugging and reaching out to shake Jack’s proffered hand. “What the hell,” he said. “Better than having to pay a fee. Saves me from having to sell hospital drugs on the side.” 

#

The young man’s handsome face was blown up large on the wall.

“Ianto Jones!” Jack announced. “The Menace of Splott.”

“Looks like a kid,” Owen said disdainfully. “Can’t be more than twenty two, twenty three.”

“Don’t let the baby face fool you,” Jack warned. “This young gentleman has been making a pretty penny for himself pinching pockets.”

“A pick-pocket?” Tosh repeated, “As in Oliver Twist, the Artful Dodger-”

“I know, vintage right?” Jack beamed. “Love a man with class. Much more elegant than hold ups in dark alleyways.”

“What is he to do with us?” Suzie snapped, cutting through the banter. 

“Poor Mr Jones thought to give my pockets a rummage. No doubt my coat just proved too much a temptation. Alas for him, it wasn’t a silk handkerchief or a silver pocket-watch he found, but the muscle immobiliser we picked up last night. All credit to him, I didn’t know he had it until I heard him falling over. Now he’s down in our med bay, sleeping off the effects, and we have to decide what to do with him.” 

“He managed to get the muscle immobiliser out of your pocket without you noticing?” Tosh asked, impressed. 

“He has magic hands,” Jack purred, to Owen’s disgust.

“It’s your call if you want to keep him Jack,” Suzie said sharply. “If you want a pet pick-pocket, then it’s down to you.” She twisted a lock of her dark, curly hair around her index finger. “But we have to be fair about these things. You get a pet, then so do I.”

#

“So, Ms Cooper, that is our little family,” Jack concluded. “Now the only matter at hand is, what is to be done with you.”

For all her fear, Gwen Cooper sat straight in her seat, pulling taut against her bonds and gazing defiantly down Jack’s eyes. 

Curious to hear her speak, Suzie reached out and undid the knot behind Gwen’s head, letting Ianto’s handkerchief drift to the floor.

“I am a police officer,” Gwen said firmly. “If I go missing, people will go looking for me.”

“No doubt,” Jack conceded. “But the question is, do you want to be found?”

A thin line appeared between Gwen’s forehead. “I..what..”

“Come, come now, Ms Cooper,” Jack said coaxingly. “Do not play the fool with us. Tell me, why did you follow us here? Try to break into a building full of crooks and criminals?”

“Because I am a police officer,” Gwen said. “Because I have a duty towards this city.”

“You are a police constable,” Jack informed her. “You put up tape and take coffee orders. Your duty would have been to present your findings to your superiors and follow any orders they gave you. Instead, you investigated alone.”

“Quite dangerous,” Toshiko noted. “Following a group of people you know to be criminals, wandering into their base-”

“With nothing to protect yourself but a stack of pizzas,” Ianto added. 

“And not even a meat feast at that,” Owen groused. 

“We know very well why you have followed us here, Ms Cooper,” Suzie told Gwen. “The only question is, will you admit it to yourself?”

“You have heard our reasons for coming here, what we are fighting for,” Jack told Gwen sincerely. “We do good work. Not always nice work. Not always pretty. But yes, I think it is good. We fight for the underdog! Surely a plucky young girl like you can appreciate that.” He stood over the table, leaning on his hands as he stared her down. His electric blue eyes were like magnets, forcing Gwen’s wide eyed stare to meet his own. “That must tempt you, just a little.”

“No,” Gwen spluttered. “I...no..why are you even offering?”

Jack smiled. “Because I need a protege. As talented as my wonderful team are, I have yet to find someone to pass down my gifts to. To share the art of the con man with. Such knowledge would be a shame to waste. Now, my methods are usually a little bit more refined than trying to pass myself off as a pizza girl,” he said with a chuckle. “A touch more elegant. But that ruse of yours showed gumption. Couple that with those sweet doe eyes, and I can make quite the con artist out of you, if only you would let me.”

“Why would I?” Gwen snapped.

Jack shrugged and lolled casually against the table. “Oh I could give you the same old reasons,” he said flippantly. “You won’t leave this building a free woman if you don’t, your family and loved ones will become our next targets if you cross us, but why bother? You don’t need threats. If you were the type to cower in the face of danger, you would be of no use to us. Nor would you have walked through those doors to begin with.” His voice dropped an octave, low and seductive. “You will let me, because you want to. You want to be a part of this world. You had a taste of danger, a taste of the beyond, and you came here looking for more. It tingles on your tongue, doesn’t it? Makes your heart that bit faster, makes you see the world that bit sharper. Well, never let it be said that Captain Jack Harkness failed to please a beautiful woman.” He clapped his hands together briskly. “Now, do we have a deal?” 

She wanted it. Suzie could see it clear in her eyes. How she wanted to say yes.

“Quickly now,” Owen snapped. “Suzie needs to hear your answer so she can buy a leash before the pet shop closes.”

“Owen,” Tosh hissed, kicking his ankle.

The little exchange knocked Gwen out of her Jack-Harkness-induced daze (one of his trademarks). She set her jaw firmly and shook her head. 

“I can’t,” she said. “It won’t just be me getting dragged into all this. My family-”

“Will be a lot safer if we think of you as a friend,” Suzie said softly. Jack’s eyes flickered towards her, but she carried on regardless. Gwen Cooper was determined to be noble, her duty towards her family and friends battling against her duty to her own desires. Suzie was just making things easier for her. “We can hardly let you and your loved ones be now, can we? Better for their sake if we have someone who cares about them on our side.”

Gwen slumped into her seat, despairing and yet, perhaps a little relieved?

“Then I have no choice,” she conceded grudgingly. 

“Oh you had a choice, Gwen,” Jack told her warmly. “You made it the moment you decided to follow us into the darkness, instead of returning to your cosy little world.” He strolled towards Gwen’s chair, collecting a table knife on his way and slicing through the thick rope. He offered her a hand and helped her to her feet, as she rolled her aching shoulders. He clasped her firmly on the shoulder, and pressed a kiss to each cheek.

“Gwen Cooper, welcome to the family!”


End file.
